A New Beginning
by AlexandriaBlack
Summary: Rain possessed the power to wash away a mess and it also could bring about a rebirth or new growth into the world. It could provide you with the fresh start that you need in a moment of need.


**A New Beginning**

"_Rain possessed the power to wash away a mess and it also could bring about a rebirth or new growth into the world. It could provide you with the fresh start that you need in a moment of need."_

It had been approximately one month since Ron and I ended things mutually. I faithfully believed that we were headed towards the relationship direction, but for once in my life I, Hermione Granger, had been wrong.

"_It's not that I don't want to date you. You live too far away and you're going away to Canada for the entire summer. If we lived closer to each other, it would work out," Ron's eyes pleaded with me to understand where he was coming from. _

_I sighed logically understanding his point, "I guess it wouldn't be healthy for us to be apart for the start of our relationship. I'm going to be sad and I'm going to miss you this summer."_

"_I'm going to miss you too. It's been fun," Ron smiled at me as he kissed me gently. _

Now those words kept repeating in my head. The way we left things were so unclear that as a result, I didn't know where the boundaries were. I'm known for living my life in an organized and structured manner. Did this mean he wasn't going to see anyone during the summer? Or was he going to see other people and when we were back at school were we going to attempt a relationship? Or was he just going to move on and thought this was a peaceful way to end things between us? My head was going to explode with all these different scenarios that I created.

I was a girl and I could wait for him without question for the entire summer and not see anyone else. I knew that was a different scenario for a guy. Guys had more physical needs that they needed to take care of. I knew that it was difficult for a guy to wait physically for a girl for four months. Well maybe it wasn't impossible for a guy, but for a teenage guy it was hard from what Harry had explained to me. I knew Ron lost his virginity in fifth year to some random girl that I didn't really know. I lost mine last summer to my dear muggle friend Seth. We both wanted to experience what it was like to have sex and we both trusted each other completely. I was scared that I was going to be a virgin forever and even though I never let peer pressure affect me, I wanted to be part of that exclusive club. That way when Malfoy taunted me at school, I knew in my heart that he didn't know the truth. That way his insults would never hurt me, because they were nowhere near the truth. I honestly always thought that I would lose it to Ron, but at that time it didn't seem like that would ever be an option. He had never shown any romantic interest in me until this year, when everything changed between us.

I sent him a letter every once in awhile just to see how he was doing. I was used to talking to him and seeing him everyday that it was strange to be apart from him. He would never send me a letter first, but he would answer the letters I sent him for a little while. The answers would disappear though and it made me sad. I wondered where his head was at in regards to our relationship. He told me he cared about me and that he couldn't picture being with anyone else, but then why wasn't he more talkative? Why wasn't he trying to make more of a claim in my life?

I sent him another letter asking him where we stood. Seth had been in a relationship for the past year and broke up with his girlfriend. There had always been a history between us and his family had joined us on our trip to Canada. I wasn't really interested in Seth at all. I just wanted to use that situation as an excuse to bring up the insecurities that I had.

The letter I sent to him said: "Dear Ron, I was wondering what your intention for us was? My really close muggle friend is interested in me. If your intention was to drop things for the summer and pick things up again in September, then I would wait for you with no hesitation. You're my first choice. If your intention was to drop things permanently then my decision will be very different. I just need to know where we stand so I can make the right decision. Love, Hermione."

His answer made me extremely upset, I'll even admit that I cried. I cried for a long time in episodes throughout the next few days. He told me: "Hermione, I'm fine with you having a good summer. It would be selfish of me to ask you to wait for me. Have a good summer, Ron."

I was extremely frustrated with him. That didn't give me an answer whatsoever. Maybe it did give me an answer, but it was an answer I didn't want to see. Who knew where we were going to end up? I was pretty devastated. There was nothing clearer to me than how much I wanted him in my life.

My attention shifted from trying to get him not to forget me to getting him back once I saw him at school. That was three months away. I planned it all out. I was going to grow my hair out and dye it darker so that it went better with my complexion or something like that. I could never quite absorb everything Ginny Weasley told me. I was going to start getting into shape and becoming healthier. Sadly, studying only works your brain and not your body. I had gained weight during finals, so I was doing it to be healthy and active. It would also give me a confidence boost that I could use in many areas of my life.

Not only did I have to deal with that, but also there was adjusting to being at home. It's not to say that I didn't love it. I love my parents, I really do. It was just a huge adjustment to make. I had to ask permission to do things again. Silly things like going to hang out with a friend or even just to leave the house in general. I never had to do that at school. If I felt like doing something, I went and did it. I also had to start cooking my own meals. Let me tell you right away that was an absolute disaster. I tried to make soup from the can the other day and I messed it up. I even messed up frozen pizza by forgetting to remove the cardboard underneath. In my defense about the frozen pizza, I was really upset about Ron at that moment in time so my attention really was elsewhere.

I just needed a routine again. Maybe I did need to be single and alone so I could make the necessary changes to my life. I started working out three weeks ago and I hadn't noticed a physical difference yet, but I could work out longer and harder than before. I am finally able to focus on a way to self-improve such as reestablishing my relationship with my parents and becoming healthier.

I know I still have a long way to go. There is still a lot to figure out like what my situation with Ron is, adjusting to living at home once more, and preparing for my final year at school. It was scary to think about, but something reassured me. I wasn't sure if it was a gut feeling, but I know I'm going to be alright in the end. Being a teenager is difficult, but I'm headed in the right direction. If I can trust in that thought alone, I know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to.


End file.
